Getting comfortable being uncomfortable
Hi, my name is Brookie Madison. I’m 24 years old. I love spending time with family and friends. I love to laugh and enjoy good food and drinks. I graduated with a Media, Journalism, and Film degree from Howard University. I love interacting with people, talking and learning from others, and doing creative things like photography, reporting, writing, and videography. I also suffer from depression and anxiety.
Last year, I took it upon myself to seek professional help and started going to counseling. I was really in a difficult place. I had been home for a year, I was unhappy with my job, stagnant in my life, and discontent with my relationships with those around me. This was really the first time I acknowledged that something wasn’t right about my perception of myself and how badly I wanted to distance myself from others.
With seeking help, my counselor suggested that I create a vision board for the goals I have for 2019. After speaking with a friend of mine who also made a vision board, I decided to have a theme for my board. I chose uncomfortable as my focus word because that is how I often feel when I’m in public, around people near and dear to me, and even while pursuing my career in journalism.
I found this quote, “get comfortable being uncomfortable,” and it really spoke to me and my situation. Here I am, only comfortable behind closed doors in the safety of my room in the attic, feeling low about myself, uncomfortable around everyone, and pursuing a career in journalism that requires me to be comfortable and might I add confident speaking to strangers, speaking in front of people, and being in places I wouldn’t normally be in.
It resonated because career-wise, I needed to get used to being uncomfortable if that’s what it would take for me to do what I want and what I aspire to do. I chose journalism as my career in high school when I was dealing with the same issues I have now, because I wanted to be able to learn and grow confidence in myself and having a craft that forced me to do that would make it so that eventually it wasn’t uncomfortable.
The quote resonated with me with my relationships with people because I struggled to let people in, even my best friends and family. It is uncomfortable for me to trust, for me to open up, and for me to talk about how I really feel instead of ignoring it, keeping busy helping others, and neglecting my own issues. I wasn’t ready to let someone close enough to potentially hurt me. And honestly, I’m still not.
Lastly, it resonated with my physically because with all of that I still want to love the person I see in the mirror. It’s been a long 12 year battle for me. I want to prevent any health disparities prevalent in my family from continuing in myself and to end generational curses that may have plagued others family members. So, I want to live a healthier lifestyle by changing my diet, being more active, and exercising. I know that I am uncomfortable with how I look and it would take some uncomfortable effort for me to make a change.
No days, weeks, nor months are the same. 2019 is almost over and I’m still working on meeting the goals on my vision board. Most times, I get in my own way and am my worst enemy. But, I’m not giving up on myself and I’m a work in progress. Sometimes I may take a break and fall off, but I haven’t stopped. So, thank you for reading and inquiring in my first blog entry. I hope you’re interested in embarking on this journey of self love and lessons as I try to be the woman my mommy believes I am (S/o to Sonja. I love you girl).
-Brookie