2021 has been an interesting year to say the least. People are figuring out how to live (literally) during a global pandemic and how to operate in a way that is safe, fun, and memorable. Quarantine gave people the opportunity to realize what was important to them and the down time to pursue passions they wouldn’t have otherwise. A buzzword I’ve seen up and down my timeline on social media is manifestation and to my surprise, I’ve been doing it all along.

I understood what it meant to manifest and I saw many people manifest things for themselves. I love seeing people reap what they had sown and worked hard to achieve. So, when I published my book of poems, Confessions of a Good Girl, I didn’t immediately realize that I, too, had manifested this moment. 

I am a writer, journalist, poet, author — so many words to say that I have a way with words. So, it makes sense that I wrote down this idea that I had for my book. In the course of a few days, in two different journals of mine, I found where it started. I’ve been saying that I wanted to publish my poems for years, but to see where I actually wrote it down was astonishing. On April 9, 2015, I wrote that I wanted to publish my poems and a potential title for my book. Then on November 26, 2019, I wrote what would be the title for my recently published book. Today is August 11, 2021 and I manifested my book and created something I am so proud of. 

Having the title author is something that I believe I have worked hard for and deserve. I’ve written poems, songs, stories since I was at least 9-years-old. I remember having this idea for a magazine and I teamed up with a girl in my class, Shyanne Cadiou, because I liked the way she drew. I talked her into doing the illustrations for my magazine. I remember teaming up with my dad’s ex-girlfriend’s daughter, Ja’vonne Moss, to illustrate my book I created. I remember turning to poetry during the darkest moments of my adolescent life, when I hated myself the most, when I cried alone in our apartment every weekend. I remember hating my first job and writing a short story to cope with not knowing what I was doing with my life and feeling stuck. I remember getting my first byline in my first journalism job, writing about some new bar/restaurant that opened up (okay to be fair, this happened last year). 

So many things have happened in the last nine months. I quit my job (again), my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I was unhappy, I was trying to fill voids with people and distractions, I was kicked out of my dad’s house, but I was still working on my book. It was the only thing that was for me and only me. I’ve done so much for so many in these past months, that making sure that I published my book was the only thing I wanted to make it a point to actually do. I didn’t care where I slept, whose car I drove, whether or not I was employed. I needed to make myself and this book a priority. My mentor Najya and I had been working on my poems since September 2020. We spoke via FaceTime in March  2021 and I told her I don’t want to wait anymore. I HAVE to do this soon. We came up with a release date of July 31, 2021 and I did what needed to be done. I actually had it up and finished a few days early. Was it easy? Hell no. I still was very much unhappy, distracted, entertaining people, going to doctor appointments, babysitting children, running errands for my grandparents, applying for jobs, depressed, angry with my father, hurting and unmotivated. I wanted to give up on myself so many times. I knew that there were power in my words and I needed to publish my book for me. 

If you haven’t, please go check out my book, Confessions of a Good Girl. It’s the closest thing I’m going to get to having a baby. I worked on it for at least nine months and I birthed it and everything. These poems were all written over the span of several years. I’ve haven’t lived much, but I have felt much more and that is all evident in my book. I’m talking about some real shit. Shit that so many people can relate too. I’m being transparent with my emotions, my pain, my thoughts and I am so proud that I’ve grown so much. I can’t wait to see what poems I write as I grow and heal more. I cannot stop thanking my mentor Najya for all that she has done to help me accomplish this goal. I know I wouldn’t have done this if she had not pushed me down what seemed a scary road. The good thing is, she at least held my hand as I did it. 

I keep changing my bios on my social media pages to update that I am now a part of the published author club *pats self on the back.* It truly is an honor to share my words with anyone who wants to read them in any capacity. I end this by saying, write down your dreams, goals, projects and ideas. Write down step by step if you can. Do what needs to be done to accomplish those things and watch how things will happen for you.